A Day at Work

Let me tell you about a recent day performing for America’s youth (pull up a chair):

5 AM Awaken to the film crew staked literally outside my door to film the show "Mercy".

6 AM Arrive at the parking garage to pick up car, only to realize I forgot my car keys.

6:20 AM Return with the car keys, but realize I cannot remember where I parked. I begin dry heave crying as I walk the garage stabbing my beeper for my car to show itself.

6:30 AM Find my car on the second floor and drive the hour to my school in New Jersey.

7:45 AM Arrive at the school and begin unloading equipment.

8 AM The principal tells me that I am actually in the wrong school and I react accordingly.

9 AM Deep into the show, when I am between sentences and it is totally silent, a second grader farts longly and loudly. I cannot laugh, or scold, or comment, for fear of drawing any more attention than it already had. The teachers cackled in the aisles and I had to just keep talking about drinking water.

The following week, the story on the show runs, with a huge picture of me on the front page. Normally this would make me very excited, except this photo looks like I am positioned to take a big dump on the front page.

In conclusion, I have decided that farts are always funny no matter how old you are, and my job is a lot harder than it looks.